Wednesday, December 14, 2016

just ranting

So if you have followed my blog, I truly apologize for not writing. Life took hold and I am busier than a bee making honey. And I also have a bf. His name is AJ. If you saw the post about my best friend AJ, he is not my bf. Currently I am not talking to that AJ. It seems like, to him, I am no longer important. So I moved on with my life.

But my boyfriend is 19 years old and in the military. The struggles of dating a military person are real. I love him to death, but sometimes I struggle with being in a relationship with someone like that.
One of the things I struggle with is him being stressed out because of work. I hate it when people are worried or nervous our sick and there is not a thing in the world that I can do to help them. It's especially bad when he's texting me and I can tell that he's not his normal self. I can't really ask him what's going on because I know he can't tell me. It's super hard caring for him, but not knowing what you are caring for.

Another thing that is hard for me is that, due to the lack of communication at his work, his work schedule is super unsettled. We could plan for dinner and some hangout time during the week, but he could get a call that sends him into work at 2pm in stead of 7 am and then the whole evening would be ruined. And when he has a day off where we could do something together, he is too worn out from work to come and hangout. And I get that. Work messes with his sleep schedule so much that it is completely unregulated and sometimes non-existent.

There are days when I'm going through a ton of shit and it would help just to see him and I can't. But instead, I listen to him rant and get it all out of his system. I don't tell him when shit is bugging me because I don't want to have to worry about me on top of what he has to deal with. I know that many people tell me that its not a good thing to do that, and I know that. It's more of I've been single for so long that having people worry about/care for me (more than my family and close friends do), is just a little weird for me. I want to deal with my own shit myself...knowing full well I can't.

Another thing about dating a military guy is that he can't disobey orders. I know it makes me a little selfish when i think about this, but i honestly don't know how else I am supposed to act. If he gets orders to move, i won't be able to go with him...yet....but i don't want to lose him. I really don't want to think about what would happen in that case, and we've brought it up a couple times. He's had to assure me as I'm bawling my eyes out that he won't be leaving here in the near future and if he does we'll make it work. I'm just afraid of losing another person that is so close to me.

One of the weirdest things that I deal with while dating a military guy is the lack of affection in public. I am a very touchy/feely person and like to be shown this affection especially in public. But when he has his uniform on, he can only give me 3 seconds of affection. I mean he does draw out the syllables of the "Mississippi"'s, but its still not enough. there are times that i just need to hold him because i need that closeness that my family can't provide. It is just so hard with all the rules and regulations to have a regular relationship. But I love him and will never let him go.


Sunday, April 17, 2016

Mikey goes...

As you may have known, I got my car a month ago. I named the 87 firebird Mikey. I thought it would be fun to make an album that shows all the places that mikey has gone. Like the more interesting places. I will not include the gas station. That isn't interesting.

...to the mechanic.

...home.

...to his first car show!!!!


... to dance!

... to his first Fastino's show!


... to prom!

...to 66 diner!

...to school.

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.....0n a date with Kate


Friday, January 22, 2016

Short story that is based on real events.

AJ
Oh shit! The squeal of our screen door told me I was in big trouble. “Anastacio Joaquin Ortiz!” my mum whispered fiercely over the din of tinking metal and ACDC. I could hear her just fine, but I knew that whether I responded now or in a few seconds, she would still be pissed. So I decided to wait it out. “Anastacio Joaquin Ortiz! It is almost one in the morning! You need to get to bed! You have work tomorrow and you are going to be exhausted! Get out from under there and get to bed!”
My mum, a stocky woman with long, but prematurely salt and pepper hair, knew what it meant to me. She was raised in a family of boys. Not a big deal. But her brothers and father were racers. They lived for the slightly nauseous smell of burnouts, the black stripes in the road, but most importantly, they lived their lives 15 seconds and a quarter mile at a time. She refused to have her brothers touch her car. She fixed and tuned her own car. That was the way she rolled.
That is also how she met my dad. One Saturday my mum and her brothers went down to Eubank to get some racing in before they needed to come home for supper. The passes she made weren’t amazing, but they were getting better. As in, she didn’t stall out before even starting the race. She was waiting on the starting line. “Keep” –inhale labored from adrenaline– “me” –exhale – “safe”       –inhale again – “as I” –exhale—“make this” –inhale—“pass.” –exhale—Swish. Swish. She rubbed her hands together, not because she was cold, but because she was a nervous wreck in between passes.
Vroom. Vroom. The universal signal for “wanna race?” She revved her engine in response. The bandanna moved upward as if time was slowed completely. And it went down faster than a cannon ball shot out of a cannon. The dinky little Chevy Nova and the brand new bumblebee Camaro launched and the pass was over in the blink of an eye. The race master began jumping up and down like a bunny rabbit. “The Nova won! The Nova won.”
At the end of a pass, it is customary for the drivers to shake hands when they return to the starting line. The driver of the Camaro exited the car. He sauntered up to the driver of the Nova just as the driver pulled off a baseball cap and shook out her long brown hair. “Hello Ma’am. Great race. Wait. Ma’am!?” My mum just laughed and offered her hand. The guy, realizing he had lost to a girl, shook her hand numbly. “My name is Jay Ortiz and I was wondering if you would like to go out for a milkshake sometime?” My mum laughed out of confusion. She was a tomboy and was not used to being treated like a girl. But she agreed. Just to be nice.
The milkshake date that night turned into many more over the years and eventually turned into marriage.
My dad loved to race and shortly after they were married, my dad purchased a red 56 Chevy that he named “Rowdy Red.” It was his baby. That baby broke records at many tracks before my dad stumbled on “The Monster.”
“The Monster”, a pile of junk that resembled a 55 Chevy, was not a monster. It was a frame. Between their daily jobs, my mum and my dad toiled away at “The Monster.” The late nights. The records being warped from playing them so many times. The tinking of metal on metal. All of this to finish the car before the 1998 race season.
Maria
                I was an ordinary Joe. Well…actually I was an ordinary Jane. And by ordinary I mean a kid that came out crying like any other normal baby, slightly ugly yet somehow cute at the same time. Apparently I got a lot of attention as did any first born child, but I have a hard time believing that considering my two younger sisters hog my parent’s attention now a days.
                But just because I resembled a normal kid at birth, that doesn’t mean that I was normal. Little girls at age 4 or 5 are stereotypically associated with Barbie dolls, pink and other disgustingly girly things. I shudder at the thought. I had a collection of Hot Wheels cars, screamed if I was forced to wear a dress, and just enjoyed being gross, disgusting, dirty and sweaty. All my friends at school were guys. My mom, for fear of teasing, told me not to tell people that I loved cars.
                So as a good little child would do, I put it into the back of my mind. I still played with my Hot Wheels at home, but never at school. But the teasing began. “Why do you like to play in the mud?” “Are you gay?” “Are you even a girl?” Harmless, but never the less it escalated to physical levels. I got so sad that I cut my arms. But thankfully since I fainted from the sight of blood, I never tried that move again.
                I became the chubby kid. It wasn’t because I was eating a butt-load of food each day. It was because my thyroid stopped functioning correctly. “Fatty.” “Fatso.” “Fatty, fatty. 2 by 4!” The one day I told Liam to shut up, he whirled around and hit me in the head with a 4 inch thick Bible. How very Catholic, right? The administration told me to stop irritating Liam. It was also about then that I stopped eating. I figured that if I was thin, they’d stop teasing me. That was also about the time that I started fainting. My parents didn’t know what was wrong, but I did. And I wasn’t going to tell them. By the time I was a seventh grader, I was 5’4” and about 100 pounds. Not scarily thin, but still bad enough. From all the teasing that I endured in Catholic school, I became the girl who always ducked her head from the lack of self-confidence.
                My Uncle worked on classic cars in his spare time. Whenever we were visiting, Uncle David would always be bending over the engine bay and cursing under his breath. “Where the fuck did I put my glasses? I swear I just had them!” That always sent me into titters of laughter.  I found it amusing because his glasses were always on his head. He didn’t let me actually work on the cars, but he would let me watch and ask questions. The questions had novels for responses. Uncle David was also the one that told me about the joys of manual cars. But that was the only place that my hidden passion could surface.
                I transferred from Catholic school to Albuquerque Academy my 8th grade year. My first friend at Academy, senior Elizabeth Anderson, told me about Senior Projects. “So it’s like when you do what you like really want to do in life. Like as a job.” Boom! I knew exactly what I wanted to do. A transmission swap (from automatic to standard) on an old car. I was just starting to come out my Catholic School enforced shell with the help of the Beatles.
                There was a girl at my advisor table that looked lonely. One day she came in wearing a Beatles shirt. “Oh my goodness! You like The Beatles too? Who’s your favorite Beatle?” I don’t think Schifani liked me screaming at his advisor table. The girl nods. “George.” I think I near about died on the spot. Someone who’s favorite Beatle was George also!? Maia was my first and best friend at Academy. But no one was to know that I liked cars. I didn’t know anybody except for Maia and I really didn’t want to be teased for liking cars.
AJ
                Summer 2014. “The Monster” has been retired almost 10 years. It is still a beast that can out run any street car today. It was transformed from a pile of junk to the most badass race car I have ever seen. I mean “Rowdy Red is cool”, but it overheats so often that it just sits in our garage for weeks at a time. Sometimes we take “The Monster” out to the car show every Wednesday at Fastino’s, but that is a very rare occasion.
                Summer is summer. Not much to do except work on Saturday. So my summer is boring. We still haven’t found a frame that I can use to restore from scratch to be my daily. And Dad decided that I needed to learn how to parallel park. The horror of it. He took “Rowdy Red” and “The Monster” and put them in the street. He gave me the truck. “Park in between then and don’t hit them.” Dammit Dad! No pressure, eh? I didn’t hit them, but I definitely know that I hate parallel parking.
                It was my birthday yesterday and I’m rewarding myself with some tinkering around on “The Monster”. I am always almost done with something when Mum is all like “AJ let’s get going. We’re taking ‘The Monster’ to Fastino’s today. Hurry UP!” After letting out a long discontented sigh-grumph noise, “Yes Mum. I’m coming.”
                As usual, we get there and the only spots are by Discount. No one is going to see “The Monster” from the normal parking lot.
Maria
                Ugh! 2014 has been rough so far. Well first off, in January, I asked Brandon to Winter Ball. I had had a massive crush on his since the beginning of 8th grade. He was in my history class, english class, and science class. He was literally just so nice to me. So to ask him to Winter Ball, I made basketball shaped cupcakes with the black vinyl basketball lines spelling “WINTER BALL?”. Well that ended up to be a flop. He said no. On the spot. Then my best friend Peter Le liked me and was being super flirtatious, then told me that he liked Ella. And I punched a wall. Then I developed a huge crush on Chris Mooty. Oh my goodness was he gorgeous! Well he turned me down over text. This all happened within a time span of 6 months. I decided that I needed a break from this shit called “love” and throw all my energy into cars.
                I started telling people that I was into cars. And people laughed at me. But if they can’t accept me for who I am they don’t deserve to take up my attention. I begged my mom and dad to let me go to Fastino’s that Wednesday. But, of course, it would be after church. Fine. At least I will look nice. Very funny. I hate dresses and to be seen in public with a dress is still humiliation for me.
                When I get there, I am in car heaven. Classic cars everywhere. I think I might actually die happy. I see my 8th grade diving coach, Dawn Smith and her husband Tal as well as Ms. Lydon. Oh man. I really hope that my skirt is long enough and that she won’t dress code me. I start talking to Tal and he told me to stay right here. He wants me to meet someone.
AJ
                Tal Smith has been one of my longtime friends. He’s cool and pretty funny. He also gives good advice. He comes up to me and tells me that he wants me to meet someone. So I follow him.
                In front of me is this girl. She is quite pretty. Oh wow. Look at her legs! I mean, WOW! I hold out my hand. “AJ Ortiz. Nice to meet you.” “Maria Vianco. Same to you.” She shook my hand and you could see the muscles in her arm flex. The insane pressure of the handshake was also quite insane. I normally don’t know how to shake hands with a girl. Because some will be like “here shake my finger with the lightest of tough possible so that you don’t ruin my hand” and others barely make contact, as if they are afraid of touching a guy. But she gave a guy’s handshake. I think I might like to get to know her.
                “So how old are you?” she asked. “16…17?” “Uh no. I turned 14 yesterday.” “Well, happy birthday man.” Tal and her parents started talking as all adults do.
Maria
                “So which one is your car.” And he led me to his car. It was a blue 55 Chevy. I asked him if we could pop the hood. But since it was a front tilt, that wasn’t possible. The wind was killing me! I mean pants would’ve been more suitable, but Dad made me wear a skirt. And yes. My skirt was threatening to flash AJ. But I did what a non-skirt wearing person would’ve done: I bent over with my arms at my side to look at the engine of this car. “So it’s about a 305 engine. V-8, definitely not stock.”
                I look up to see AJ’s mouth open in a nice “O” of surprise.
AJ
                Hell yeah I was surprised. She was wearing a girly skirt for goodness sakes. I mean Jamie is another woman friend who loves cars, but Jamie is not girly at all. Marie? Mary? I mean Maria is a badass. She comes to a car show all girly and knows her cars. Wow. I want to keep in contact with her. “What’s your number?” She just kinda laughs and tells me that she doesn’t have a phone and doesn’t need a phone. Wow. So I get her email instead.

                “The Monster” helped me meet my best friend ever. Yes she is older, but I can tell her a lot. She has counselled me through horrible girlfriend incidents. Her being older gives me current advice from someone who has been through it, but put into my age perspective. She is strong and independent and the type of person that isn’t afraid to do things. I like her. And Tal was right: we do only have eyes for each other.